Will it be more money, more time with your family or more travel?  All are worthy areas on which to focus.

I’ve already begun to map out the areas I’ll be focusing on this year.  One of the areas I’ll be highlighting is personal development.

Personal development, however, is a vague term when you think about it. It can encompass everything from fitness to memory training and everything in between.

Life Mapping

I learned this simple way of representing my life some time ago.  I call it Life Mapping and each year I map out the areas I’d like to concentrate on.

Here’s a copy of the map I put together for 2006. (To see the detail, click on the image.)

The Six Primary Areas

The map contains the six areas of my life followed by a few goals to pursue.  The six primary areas are as follows:

• Spiritual
• Family
• Business
• Education
• Health
• Personal

I created the map above when I was self-employed; this year’s map (coming soon) looks a bit different.

Here it is in outline form:

• Spiritual
  • Mediate twice daily
  • Read A Course in Miracles
• Family
  • Move into beach bungalow (done!)
  • Take Las Vegas trip with Justin
• Business
  • Join professional organization
  • Streamline travel
• Education
  • Learn Adobe Suite: InDesign/Illustrator/Photoshop
• Health
  • Lose 20 pounds
  • Get in the best shape of my life
• Personal
  • Write 3rd book
  • Learn digital photography

Challenging targets, all.

Two Pictures

In support of my interest in learning digital photography, here are two pictures I took today in my walk around the neighborhood. Since we’re only two blocks from the beach, the Pacific Ocean is indeed ‘in-the-hood.’

Click on the images to enlarge the view.

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Apology: The term comes from the Greek word apologia (απολογία), meaning a speaking in defense.

In a way, this post is similar to an απολογία. It sets forth my defense (though it really isn’t necessary for my sake) for my philosophical positions on spirituality. I post this lengthy statement (be warned) for two reasons.

1. Some in my acquaintance are curious about where I stand on such themes and this prompted me to ask myself the question, “What do I really believe?” and…
2. I always work things out through writing. (I’m a writer, go figure)

Raised in the South as a Southern Baptist

Having been born in Tennessee and raised in Texas for the majority of my childhood, the Southern Baptist Convention -the largest Protestant denomination in the U.S.- was big; almost everyone I knew in my childhood attended a Southern Baptist Church.  The churches, all segregated back in the 1960s, were large though not like the mega-churches of today. Even at that age (5-12) it struck as odd that churches were either black or white. Brown churches were Catholic and not within my experience; in fact, my all my Hispanic buddies at school were Catholic. And I can’t ever recall a conversation where religion was an issue.  We simply accepted the paths we all were on as no more than that: a path to follow.

I was raised in the Christian tradition by loving parents who were dedicated to the Southern Baptist doctrines and remain so to this day. I attended public school, but in that era, and in Texas to be specific, Christianity found its way into the everyday life of an elementary and junior high student.  The Lord’s Prayer was voiced over the public address system each morning just before the Pledge of Allegiance (a uniquely American display of rote patriotism). I even graduated from a Southern Baptist University, attended a Southern Baptist Seminary for a year and it was there, ironically, that I came to terms with the spiritual traditions of my childhood.

I left medical school in my second year to follow a longing to enter the service if God. I didn’t really know where it might lead -perhaps back to medical school, pastoring a church, teaching- I just didn’t know.  All I really knew was that it was the right path to follow at the time.

The year at seminary was the most intellectually stimulating year of my life. Instead of being the Grand Sunday School/Bible Study that I’d expected, it was so much more. It included daily debate with intellectual professors who, I knew immediately, wouldn’t make it in mainstream Christianity because of their views on the role of Jesus, the validity of miracles (many doubted them), the divinity of Jesus, and a host of other ’sacred’ topics that most churches never take on.  As young Seminarians, we had, as one professor put it, begun to work out our own salvation.

In short, it was the singular, most influential educational experience of my life because it allowed me to become who I really am. Now, I’ve made tons of mistake in life, but following my path to seminary wasn’t one of them.

The Apostle Paul said in Philippians 2: 12-18,

“…continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.”

The Buddha said:

“…Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others.”

For me, it took a painfully sobering divorce, a dysfunctional remarriage, and much personal anguish to generate the courage to leave the tribe of my forefathers and work out my own salvation.

My Definitions:

Tribe = early beliefs about God, salvation, my role in the universe, as handed down from a previous generation, etc.

Salvation = Realizing who I am, what I’m here for, and what my relationship is to God, Source, insert-moniker-of-your-choice.

I did it because the principles that it taught no longer made sense to me.  In my search for the meaning of life, I walked away from the traditions that my entire family (parents, ex-spouses, adult children, extended family members) adheres to. It was probably the most honest thing I’ve ever done.

In my experience, one doesn’t understand the validity of their beliefs unless they can walk away from them and after searching intently for alternatives, re-embrace them as truth.

I was faced with a choice: follow -and trust that others ahead of me on the Christian path knew something that made all the inequalities and contradictions go away- or simply walk away and search for my own truth. While some think walking away is the easy way out, most likely they’ve never made that choice nor traveled a solitary journey seeking truth.

I decided that being spoon fed religious practices wasn’t making use of the brain or heart that was instilled in me by my creator.  I’m distrustful of any religion that preaches ‘they are the only way’ to heaven, enlightenment, nirvana, paradise, Kansas City, etc.  I knew that unless I embraced my beliefs from the standpoint of personal integrity, they had to be, by compassionate logic, false beliefs.

Socrates put it this way:

“The unexamined life is not worth living.”

For me, truth means living with an open mind. It means that I must live an examined life in order to walk in truth. To automatically follow precepts and teachings without comparing them to alternatives isn’t, for my life, congruous with personal integrity.  How do I know if I like chocolate if I’ve never tried it?

Simply becoming open to ideas outside my own opened vistas of opportunity.

Eastern Philosophies

I’ve long been attracted to the concepts and principles of Buddhism, Taoism, Zen-Buddhism, and Hinduism.  These philosophies interest me greatly and I’ve invested a good deal of the last 10 years reading, practicing and experiencing them in different ways.  I’ve learned to meditate, to awaken to the present moment, to see reality in a new way. Every step I take can be a spiritual moment equal to that of being baptized, confirmed, sanctified, etc.

The Truman Show

In the film, The Truman Show, Truman (played by Jim Carey) is a man whose life is a fake one… The place he lives is in fact a big studio with hidden cameras everywhere, and all his friends and people around him, are actors who play their roles in the most popular TV-series in the world.

In the end of this poignant film, Truman becomes aware that his life has been a pretext for entertainment; but more importantly, he realizes that there is a world beyond his that he must explore on his own. It’s his Truman Moment.

This film is the perfect metaphor for the role Christianity played in my life. All my life, I viewed the world from inside the Christian perspective - I wore Christian lenses so-to-speak.  When I walked away in search of my definition of meaning, to ‘work out my own salvation’, I took off those lenses and have been amazed to see what else life offers me that I simply didn’t see before.

It was my Truman Moment was similar.

The moment I took off my lenses and accepted other perspectives as valid, my world became larger. I embraced others in a way that before, would have generated guilt and confusion.

A Parent’s Role in a Child’s Salvation

As a single-custodial-parent to a 12 year-old, I also have the responsibility to provide a basis upon which he can launch his own path of discovery. Because of what I’ve learned, I know my choices aren’t necessarily what’s best for him.

His path will be his own.  I can shine the light on many paths and have begun to do so.  But in the end, the choice is his to make.

Salvation, in my opinion, isn’t something I need earn or even ask for. There is one Ultimate Source (call it what you will, God, Jehovah, Jesus, Allah, Source, Gladys, whatever) from which all of reality flows. Therefore we are all intimately connected through it. There is no difference between peoples, races, individuals (though wars have started over this very topic).

Barry puts it this way:

Like waves are individualized units of the larger ocean, as live waves are individualized unit of solar energy, so are we individualized units of Source, God, etc.  Just as the waves are 100% ocean, light rays are 100% sunshine,  we  are 100%  Source.

Nature Gets It

The ocean doesn’t categorize waves as worthy or unworthy. No one wave is considered valid or unvalidated; all are simply waves. A tree doesn’t disown some branches in favor of others. To do so wouldn’t be a part of the natural order.

Yet I wonder why so many man-ordained religions have such exclusionary language and practice? Why are some men saved and other unsaved based on which teaching they follow? Why are some people persecuted by religious groups on the basis of their sexual orientation (California’s Proposition 8), ethnicity (Darfur) or geographic location?  These precepts and practices make no sense to me. They exclude instead of include.

I often see the initials WWJD embossed on bracelets and adorning rear car bumpers. “What Would Jesus Do?”  I wonder what Jesus would do if he walked our streets? Would he attempt to convert me? Save me? Persecute me? Many of his most devoted followers do just that. But this is common to other religions as well.  We need look no further than the daily headlines to see it.

Where Am I Today?

I spent last year studying Kriya Yoga as it was brought to the US in the early 1900’s by Paramahansa Yogananda.  I was initiated into Kriya Yoga by Roy Eugene Davis, a direct disciple of Yogananda. I recommend Yogananda’s Autobiography of a Yogi to all interested in expanding their spiritual horizons.

Practicing Kriya Yoga has brought me into a closer relationship with God and the knowledge that there is nothing separate from God; not man, not nature, not one thing. We are all linked through the Ultimate Source of all creation.

I’m currently reading about Zen Buddhism and getting back to living a very simple life. I’m getting rid of stuff I no longer use or need. I’m focusing on living my life as authentically as I can. It is a liberating experience.

I am no longer tied to the tribal traditions of my forefathers. I have found my own and they work for me. When I bow humbly in awe before the Universe, Source, God, I am at peace; I know that I am on the right path at the right time. No one could ever convince me otherwise.

My Search Continues

Not for answers, for they are abundantly apparent. I search now for how I can best grow in peace and love and humility. I search for these things not as badges to wear for public admiration, but in order to fulfill the destiny placed before me.  Who am I to refuse such an honor?

A World Beyond Labels

My hope for you whether you’re a family member, a friend or a net surfer is that you will find your own path and follow it to its many ends.  If there is one thing I’ve learned on this journey, it’s that there are multiple outcomes.  To focus only on one is the miss the joy of the journey.

My hope is that you (and I) will adopt a world beyond labels; that we can live harmoniously without having to rely on labels like Buddhists, Christians, Muslims, etc.

Wouldn’t it be great if those choosing these paths were more concerned with being Buddha-like, Christ-like and Mohammad-like than with applying the matching labels?

I know it’s possible.

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In the 21 months since he asked me the question,“Dad, Who will you vote for?” he’s been involved in the political season that culminated last night with Barack Obama’s inspirational win.

Justin accompanied me to our local polling location, waited in line with me for about 30 minutes in the early morning chill, and held my sample ballot while he watched me participate in democracy.

While waiting in line, and in typical 12 year-old fashion, he asked, “How many McCain supporters do you think are here?”

I said there was no way to tell; that people don’t look Republican or Democratic.  They’re all citizens interested in casting their vote for the candidate they hope would bring change to America.

Later in the evening he sat beside me watching election returns.  He also sang a short song he’d composed about Barack Obama winning the election.  That told me that 1) he’s been listening to the political conversation and 2) he’s more likely to be politically engaged in the ensuing years.

That makes me happy.

We sat and listened to both John McCain’s concession speech and President-elect Obama’s acceptance.  I continually wiped tears from my cheeks, moved by the tremendous step forward this country had the courage to take yesterday.

He looked at me and said, “I really am witnessing history, aren’t I Dad?”

I hugged him and softly whispered, “Yes, son. You are.”

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OK, I admit it, I’ve been rabid about the candidacy of Barack Obama.  Not because he’s the Messiah, but because (partly) the alternatives are so incredibly horrible.

Add the endorsement last Sunday of Gen. Colin Powell - a thinking Republican - and that of Michael Smerconish -a conservative Republican radio talk show host- and you can see why I’m bullish on this.

If I were to really lay off all election stuff, I’d not mention the incredibly racist comments of Comedian Rush Limbaugh over the weekend, Rep. Bachman’s (R-Mn) call for McCarthyesque “anti-American” test for all members of congress or how the state of Maine’s US Sentators asked McCain to stop the robocalling in their state.

Having said that, it feels like it’s time to move on to othe topics of interest.  Topics like…oh, let’s see….parenting, dating, kids, simplicity, productivity…you know…all those things I say in the little blurb to the right.

Rush Limbaugh is a big fat idiot.

OK, sorry.  That was absolutely last election-related, Tourette-like outburst.  Promise.

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Tuesday - More sniffling and medicine head due to not getting to the pharmacy in time to buy the real Sudafed.  Instead, had to settle for the OTC-non-methamphetamine-precursor; the kind you can buy without showing your ID to the pharmacist.  It doesn’t work.  Finally got some real stuff and felt loads better.

Wednesday / Thursday - Not much different.  I picked up my new glasses - a slight change in prescription and major change in frames.  I haven’t got a picture made in these new frames yet, but think ‘Kieth Olberman.’  Justin, my 12-year-old-liberal-in-training, keeps calling me Kieth. :)  Began getting ready to attend a birthday BBQ for my son-in-law at his parent’s home in San Leandro in the East Bay (think south of Oakland) by phoning Bethany for gift ideas.  She gave me some good suggestions, but in the end, I went with my gut on this one - a book I saw at Borders in the Capitola Mall - ‘1001 Ways To Be Romantic!‘  Hey, I may not know a whole lot about successful marriages, but I do know how important romance can be in a new relationship (any stage of a relationship, actually).  I inscribed the following inside:

“David -

A little bit of romance makes up for a whole lot of dirty dishes.

Barry”

Friday - Made travel arrangements for my month end week in Salt Lake City (SLC).  Got a couple of non-stops to and from SLC so I can avoid the roller-coaster approach into Reno/Tahoe.  When I fly Southwest Airlines I’m usually routed SLC to Reno/Tahoe to San Jose.  I’ve never had any turbulence flying into San Jose.  I lose my nearly lose my lunch flying into Reno.  So this time I got lucky. Justin spent the night with his mom and I drove around deciding whether or not to see Oliver Stone’s new film, W.  Opted not to, mainly because a little voice inside told me to go home.  I’ve learned over the years to listen to this little alter-ego and I went home.   I went to bed at 9 -aided by a Trazedone - a script my family physician gave me to take when I haven’t slept well the week before- and slept pretty well. A bit of a hangover the following morning from the Trazedone, but it was Saturday and some strong Italian Roast took care of it.

Saturday - Picked up Justin and we drove to San Leandro for David’s BBQ.  In the past (for at least 15 years), whenever I’ve gathered at a ‘family’ function where my ex-wife and her side of the family have hosted the event, I’ve always felt out of place.  Kind of like a Liberal Democrat at a fundraiser for Conservative Republicans. There are reasons for this that extend outside (and may not have anything to do with) politics. Personal issues on both sides are at the core most likely, but I’ve tried over the years to just be myself and let the chips fall where they may.  I have to say that Bethany and David’s wedding was not only a turning point in my own life, but perhaps it has something to do with the increased ease that all demonstrate when I’m in the crowd. Or it could be that I’m way too obsessed with how other perceive me. You think?

Whatever…all I know is that it was good to see my daughter and new son-in-law, Ben, Crystal and Justin loves seeing them at any time.  Wanda and Joel -David’s parents- were terrific hosts and went to a lot of trouble the day a happy one for David.  I enjoyed being in their home.

Forecast for this this week…Ok, let me look into my crystal ball….channeling Carnac….ok, it’s clear now…just what I thought…..can’t see a thing.

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“Can we now admit the obvious? Sarah Palin is utterly unqualified to be vice president. She is a feisty, charismatic politician who has done some good things in Alaska. But she has never spent a day thinking about any important national or international issue, and this is a hell of a time to start.”

Click here to read the entire column in Newsweek.

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“As a single parent, you’re really ‘on-24-7,’ aren’t you?  It must take its toll on you.”

The tears that blurred my vision were immediate. She may have thought they were due to the sharp, pointy scalars she was employing to remove some subgingival calculi, but I knew where they originated. They came from the deepest center of my being - the one that’s securely guarded by layers of emotional Kevlar.

In the five years since I became a single-parent with full custody of my now 12-year old son, the number of people who really get what it means to be in this position have been few. I think it was the sudden recognition of this spot-on understanding that allowed me to let down my guard and simply feel that it’s OK to acknowledge that it’s a tough journey.

Part of this journey is balancing the demands of my job with the responsibilities at home. It’s a common issue faced by all single parents who must work to support their children and still be an effective parent.

In my job, I travel about two to three times per month for a couple of days at a time. Limited travel can work in my situation, but anything more that a three times a month is a hardship for both me and him.

I have minimal local support.  I’m a good 40 miles from my nearest adult child and all three of them are busy leading their own lives. I’ve made few friends in the past five years, most of which is a function of my self-preservation modus operandi I fall into.

I’ve been burned too many times in relationships and, as a result, allow only a few into the inner sanctum of my life.  Protecting my son is paramount; and it often regulates my own social interactions. Add to that my introverted nature and I can very easily become insulated and hermit-like.

But a hermit, I don’t want to be.  It’s not healthy for me or for him. And so I’m getting comfortable with the idea of venturing out of my comfort-zone and into the unknown.

Anyone have a map?

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A new post category that will, as the name so obviously describes, recap my week.

I had a great conversation with an old friend on Saturday.  Bob Adams was in my first wedding and he and Jennifer were married not long after.  If memory serves, I returned the favor. I recall from my wedding, Bob’s tuxedo was just fine, but his shoes were of different heel heights and by the end of the day his back was killing him.  (I’d nearly forgotten about that!) He’s now the pastor of a church north of San Francisco. It was great to hear from him and I hope we keep in touch.

The work-week began as most do, bustling each morning to get Justin off to school on on campus as close and I can to 8a. He can’t be on campus before 8 and I have to be in my office by 8 - some twelve miles south on Highway 1.  It’s been a challenge to accomplish both, but one my boss is understanding about thus far. 

Tuesday I sat in the dental hygienist’s chair for a lovely periodontal procedure. Good thing I’m on a diet. ;-)  Kat, the hygienist, did a great job and my gums feel great and my smile is better than it was.  Lots of coffee stains are gone. YAY!

Wednesday I flew to Salt Lake City to kickoff a new proposal. Delta non-stops are good, the Southwest flights returning home are less so.  Turbulence was in abundance as was the supply of cranky passengers -one of which I’ll describe briefly.

Mr. Moron

On the return flight (SLC to Reno/Tahoe to San Jose), I sat on the emergency exit row next to the window. There is a ton of leg room on this row and as long as you are able and willing to help in the advent of an emergency exit, it’s open seating.

There was a man sitting in the aisle seat.  He’d placed his black, nylon backpack on the middle seat thereby inaudibly proclaiming his disdain for anyone who chose that particular seat.  I chose the window seat next to the vacant middle (backpack) seat. After nearly everyone had boarded, another man walked down the aisle and chose the middle seat.

“What? You want to sit here?” asked the man owner of the backpack?

“Yes, I do,” said the man and he proceeded to sit in the middle seat just in time for aisle man to remove his backpack.

“Everything on this side of the arm rest is my space,” aisle man said rather loudly.

“Um, OK,” responded middle man.

Long story short, I enjoyed a good conversation with middle man (the owner of two vacuum cleaner and air purifier stores - one in Salt Lake City and the other in Carson City) who was on his way home.

Middle man deplaned at Reno.

Aisle man looked over at me and said, “What a moron…his legs weren’t even that long.”

I didn’t say anything but felt rather sorry for this obese, vodka-cranberry swilling man on the aisle who fervently disliked everyone around him.  Referring to the man who simply wanted a comfortable seat with extra leg room for the short 1:20 plane ride, this spoke volumes to me about his general attitude toward life.

How unhappy to you have to be in order to label others who aren’t doing anything but what you are already doing?

I guess I should have defended middle man, but I chose instead to ignore the reeking distillery and watch a movie on my iPod.

Friday saw the beginnings of a cold (no doubt from the recycled air in the jetliner). It’s been nearly a year since I’ve had a cold. It should be short lived. This morning I awoke at 7:30 -later than my usual 5a biorhythm induced alarm goes off-  and felt like the cold had indeed arrived at Gate 1.

One other thing. I’ve lost 4 pounds after having been ‘really good’ with eating on the road. Yay me! I’m following a modified Atkins Diet approach: lots of protein, carbs limited to green, leafy salads and the like.  After beginning HCTZ for high-blood pressure a couple of weeks ago,one of my goals is to lose about 20 pounds.

So far, so good.  But man, do I miss Rocky Road!

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Every resume sample I critiqued proudly boasted the applicant’s ability to multitask - to efficiently work toward completing multiple tasks at once.

It sounds great -but unfortunately- it’s a myth and neuroscience researchers at MIT back up this claim with hard data.

Research shows that instead of concentrating on multiple tasks, the ‘executive system’ of the brain allow us to switch between tasks in rapid succession thereby giving us the impression of multitasking.

If you’ve got about 8 minutes to listen, I recommend the following audio from National Public Radio. (The link takes you to NPR’s article and audio link the same page.)

What about you? Have you always considered yourself a multitasker? Does this seemingly contradict your ideas about your abilities? Please share your reactions to this article below.

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