Bethany

It was the day she’d dreamed about for most of her life. She stood next to the young man she has loved for over four years.  Around her stood approximately 250 of her closest friends and family.

Among the crowd, 9 grandparents, two moms, scads of siblings, cousins and more than a couple of girlfriends/boyfriends as well as three dads (aren’t blended families wonderful).

Mike Alexander (Bethany’s Step-Dad) and I waited for her to descend the stairs, each ready to engage her arm for the 50-foot walk down the aisle. I don’t know about Mike, but I’d already teared up several times before she appeared. Once during a photo shoot with her, and, well…to be perfectly honest, each night the previous week.

Last month I wrote in this post:

For my part, I have no doubt that I will descend into the same blubbering mass on her wedding day. How can I not?  It’s a bittersweet time in the life of any parent.  Watching my daughter grow away from me is hard no matter what anyone says.  Even the bravest face fails to hide the underlying steadfast love and intense emotion we parents continually feel for our children.

Sometimes it’s easy to foretell the future. You know in your heart how things will be.  I couldn’t have been more accurate.

When Bethany Sara, my first-born, my only daughter…my Princess…appeared at the top of the stairs, my heart skipped a beat and time stood still for a fraction of a second. In each downward step her appearance changed; at first she was still that small child –just two years-old– sitting next to me at the piano banging the keys while I tried to compose; She took another step and it brought forth the image of a six year-old ballerina with her front teeth missing, dancing gracefully across the stage and directly into my heart.

I’m sure all this happened in a moment, but it seemed like lifetime; one that’s gone by in a whirlwind. A lifetime that was all too often spent in educational pursuit and career-enhancing absorption; somewhere along the way my little girl grew into a very smart and capable, brilliant young woman with dreams and aspirations that have nothing to do with her Dad.

Dad’s can be so obtuse at times. We think our children will stay small and by our sides forever.  And in as much time as it takes to descend thirteen steps, it vanishes into the present moment.  And there she stands, ready for us to take the longest walk of our lives.

I tried to hold in my tears. Then I felt Bethany begin to shudder a bit and then to cry softly.  She’d told me earlier, with a half-serious smile, “No crying, Daddy. If you start crying, I’ll start crying and I’ll ruin my makeup.” To which I replied, “That’s a commitment I’m not sure I can make, Princess.”

The ceremony took place outside at the Guglielmo Winery in Morgan Hill, California amidst lush vineyards and blooming flowers. Bethany and David composed their own vows and each was so deeply personal that I was moved to tears yet again.

On a very deep level, the vows of love and commitment expressed by my daughter and my new son, taught me about the earnestness and the steadfastness of love.  Their vows and the obvious depth of connection and mutual love that supported them made me long to be where they are. In some ways, I can never express to them how much their wedding meant to me.

I danced with my daughter to one of the saddest songs known to man (well, OK…maybe just to me) and, yes…cried some more…and then it was gone, the previously palpable need to grieve for her absence in my life.  The rest of the afternoon and evening was spent in an ocean of gratitude that poured over me from everywhere. I must have seemed a bit drunk to anyone watching me.

Even though I’d not had any alcohol, I was as buzzed on gratitude as if I’d disappeared into the testing room for an hour.

There it was, this overwhelming sense of warmth and gratitude for the young man I can now warmly call my son. Gratitude for David and for the love he so obvious feels for Bethany. Gratitude for the love they share, for the dreams they harbor, for the life ahead of them.

The last time I saw them them was through the back glass of the black limousine as they pulled away from the gathered members of the family headed for the rest of their lives. They were sitting side-by-side, kissing.  It was only a silhouette, but the image perfectly captured the hopes and dreams of all who participated in this wonderful day: the hope of a rich life lived drenched in the light of love, mutual respect, and a common faith in something larger than themselves.

David and Bethany- you are both my children now. I love you both very much. Thank you for the example of your love and for the hope you represent for all who were fortunate enough to take part in this memorable day.

P.S.  And Princess, when you return from Maui, let’s grab a cuppa!

8-)

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