As I sat in the dental hygienist’s chair and tried to answer questions with my entire mouth anesthetized (offered verbal gibberish in staccato fashion), I was moved to near tears when she said:
“As a single parent, you’re really ‘on-24-7,’ aren’t you? It must take its toll on you.”
The tears that blurred my vision were immediate. She may have thought they were due to the sharp, pointy scalars she was employing to remove some subgingival calculi, but I knew where they originated. They came from the deepest center of my being - the one that’s securely guarded by layers of emotional Kevlar.
In the five years since I became a single-parent with full custody of my now 12-year old son, the number of people who really get what it means to be in this position have been few. I think it was the sudden recognition of this spot-on understanding that allowed me to let down my guard and simply feel that it’s OK to acknowledge that it’s a tough journey.
Part of this journey is balancing the demands of my job with the responsibilities at home. It’s a common issue faced by all single parents who must work to support their children and still be an effective parent.
In my job, I travel about two to three times per month for a couple of days at a time. Limited travel can work in my situation, but anything more that a three times a month is a hardship for both me and him.
I have minimal local support. I’m a good 40 miles from my nearest adult child and all three of them are busy leading their own lives. I’ve made few friends in the past five years, most of which is a function of my self-preservation modus operandi I fall into.
I’ve been burned too many times in relationships and, as a result, allow only a few into the inner sanctum of my life. Protecting my son is paramount; and it often regulates my own social interactions. Add to that my introverted nature and I can very easily become insulated and hermit-like.
But a hermit, I don’t want to be. It’s not healthy for me or for him. And so I’m getting comfortable with the idea of venturing out of my comfort-zone and into the unknown.
Anyone have a map? 
